Little Orphan Annie vs. SAP and Count de Tour
This is a complete departure from the usual fare, for this one time. This is a write up of a 1925 story from the comic Strip, Little Orphan Annie, by Harold Gray (no relation, but would have gladly claimed him!). Backstory Annie was an orphan who was often at the mercy of the hard-hearted matron of the orphanage, Miss Asthma. A wealthy yet snobbish woman named Mrs. Warbucks, took her on trial, simply because she wanted to do something for charity. It was clear that Mrs. Warbucks had done this for show and pretenses and had no real liking for Annie whatsoever. She did everything she could, no matter how vindictive, to send her back to "The Home". However, everything changed when Oliver Warbucks returns home from a business trip. He took to Annie immediately, and insists he be called Daddy. This aggravated Mrs. Warbucks beyond belief. This made her all the more determined to send her back to "The Home". Eventually, on the occasions while Oliver is on business trips, the spiteful "Mrs." would get her way and shunt Annie right straight back to "The Home" where she felt she belonged. The Story While the obnoxious Mrs. Warbucks is in Europe (or Eu-Rupp, as Annie and Mr. Warbucks call it), Oliver gets Annie out of the Home once again, and has her back in his home. Annie overhears the servants complain bitterly about Mrs. Warbucks (and who could blame them, for they had NO liking of her whatsoever, but they LOVED Mr. Warbucks). A few days later, the horrid Mrs. Warbucks, announces that she's brought a houseguest of her own, a young boy (almost Annie's age) named Selby Adelbert Piffleberry, a scion of a wealthy family Mrs. Warbucks knew in Europe (she had been in Paris). She thought him a genius at piano and was also very refined. Her face froze and then fell when she saw Annie back, and giving her a bouquet of flowers. The haughty woman slapped them down on the ground, berating her for giving her "cheap weeds" and she and Selby sauntered off into the house, once again scorning her. Oliver was furious at his wife's ingratitude, and made it clear that what his wife did wasn't acceptable! The next day, the wicked woman (who was the nouveau-riche daughter of a plumber's assistant, and had a chunk of solder for a heart) orders Susette, one of the maids, to move Annie's clothing and possessions to a room in the back of the house, taking away her old room and giving it to Selby (she also said maliciously, "Have it fumigated first!"). Annie didn't mind being uprooted, but she was not too keen about being treated miserably by the entitled bitch. However, that did not stop her from peeking into her old room and seeing Selby's initials, and what they stood for. S-A-P. SAP! That information would come into play later on. Selby did everything possible to aggravate Oliver with his "virtuoso" piano playing (which was, in reality, quite horrid!) and he destroyed a book and wanted to destroy Selby too! He then tried the daisies bit on Mrs. Warbucks, who was promptly stung on her nose by a bee! She had one of the servants spank Selby, and he threatened the laughing Annie, who saw it as justice for her gift being mocked and dismissed! As time grew, Mrs. Warbucks was planning a huge party for Selby, with a musical salon and a dinner. Selby, who treated the servants like scum, insulted Egbert the Butler, who held his cool until he was in the kitchen and unleashed his anger about the spoilt kid. Selby then declares war against Annie by telling her that she was too common to be hobnobbing with the powerful and wealthy and that she was to remain in the background as much as possible during his reception. Annie tripped the stuck-up little prat and told him, "Yuh wanted t' start somethin', well, it's started!" Meanwhile Mrs. Warbucks tried once again to persuade Oliver to get rid of Annie, and was, as expected, refused point-blank, stating that Annie was his girl and she's stayin', unlike that soprano-voiced long-haired pickle faced Selby she had dragged back from Eu-Rupp! Selby tried to throw his weight around (to the Mrs' delight), but Oliver finally had his fill of the brat, and grabbed him, threatening him, telling him that if he stepped out of line again, he'd be treated like a man, with a thorough beating! He then stormed out the door. At the dinner, Selby was boring the guests with how great he was, and how common and nothing Annie was while Mrs. Warbucks beamed. (Mr. Warbucks was bored silly by him as well!) Finally having had enough of that prat spewing such garbage, Annie let fly at him saying that maybe in Europe, three names was a great thing, but in the USA, his name only stood for one thing, SAP! Well! The table, with the exception of the snobbish Selby and Mrs. Warbucks, burst into laughter! Later on, Selby berated Annie for humiliating him, and they engaged in verbal brickbats, with Annie telling him, "Blah! You give me a cramp in the gizzard, you do!" then finishing him off with "Well, where I come from, if a sap like you went into a dark alley, he'd NEVER come out, See?!" During the piano recital, (which one guest muttered after the Mrs. said that he had once played before the King, "No wonder they sing God Save the King!") Annie and Oliver demolish it by having Annie playing a harmonica and doing Turkey in the Straw, which everyone rather enjoyed, to the haughty Mrs. Warbucks dismay. In retaliation, Selby spitefully tied a tin can to Annie's dog, Sandy's tail and tangled him up in barbed wire. A furious Annie, knowing full well it was Selby who had done this abuse, felt it was time to get serious. She went into his bathroom and tampered with his hair oil and powder and other things (putting tar in the hair oil and itching powder in his talcum), plus she poured a quarter bottle of black ink into the shower bath. Selby came out completely filthy, and was also screaming and in pain. He then vowed to make Annie pay, and Mrs. Warbucks gave him permission to thrash her. Believing that Children should handle their own affairs (and hoping Selby would best Annie, as she felt Selby was her better!), the Mrs. was hoping for sure Annie would be driven out of the house! Oliver, knowing what was about to happen, trained Annie in some boxing moves to prepare for the fight. When Selby attempted to thrash her with his riding crop, Annie slammed her right fist hard into his face. She followed up with her lethal left, and sat on his back and pounded his face into the floor. "I'm just gonna keep on bouncin' yer pan on that floor till you holler enough or till I give out an' I'm feelin' REAL strong yet, see?!" she ordered her enemy severely. Selby, knowing his goose was cooked, muttered "Nuff. nuff!" And Mrs. Warbucks came in wailing, "Oh, my DARLING!" as she saw her Selby much the worse for wear! She called the doctor and had him put in bed. Oliver was pleased with Selby's thrashing, and that made Mrs. Warbucks very angry and she erupted about how Selby was injured and he didn't care. Truth was, he DIDN'T care a toss about Selby, and was more pleased with Annie giving him a swift taste of justice. Again, Selby threatened her with retribution, but Annie still apologized, saying that she was sorry they stopped it before she could beat his head clear off! Well, as if that wasn't enough, along came Count de Tour, a Count who lived in Paris, and was a rather ruthless financier, who felt it was his destiny to control the world's commerce. It also turned out that he knew Selby. Annie sensed that there was more to their knowing of one another than meets the eye, especially when they sent one another signs as they went into dinner. For as it turned out, they DID know one another, and were planning on undermining Warbucks' empire! DeTour's people had been blocked in South America from buying business interests and he was aiming to make Warbucks pay for this effrontery. He was in the same frame of mind as the Mrs. as he felt that Annie should be back in a Orphan's home where she belonged. This started Oliver wanting to get rid of the crooked Count. When DeTour began bad-mouthing Annie, Warbucks told him to watch his step, or risk getting his block knocked off! Beginning with playing poker (and the Count cheating by using a cold-deck maneuver) he would have nearly succeeded in wiping him out, had it not been for Annie warning Oliver about what the Count was doing. He reversed it back on the Count and got his fortune back, and cleaned out De Tour of every penny he had brought with him. There was something even more insidious going on, though. The Count and Selby found a wall safe that had papers which were contracts, maps and business deals. However, what the count did not know, at that point, was that everything were all FAKES! Realizing what he was doing, he had forged the contents of the safe as a hoax to deceive the Count, showing that Warbucks, for what he was, was a very shrewd and thorough business man. The evil aristocrat then swiped Mrs. Warbucks diamonds out of her jewelry box, and put them in Annie's room, with the aim of trying to frame her for the theft, which would thusly get her jailed and thrown out. This scheme ALSO met with failure when Annie planted the diamonds under the COUNT'S bed! A few days later, the count received the answer for all his criminality. It turned out that the maps and contracts WERE forged as a hoax. At first, the Count thought some of his lieutenants had betrayed him and vowed to gain revenge. He then yelled at Selby and thrashed him for his failure to procure genuine information, and now their entire scheme was exposed for all to see. It was later revealed that he and Selby had plotted to have Warbucks assassinated for revenge. As planned, De Tour's goons ambushed Oliver while on his morning walk. With a lot of help from Annie and Sandy, they drove off the lily-livered attackers. And it was only the beginning of some new surprises. As it turned out, a lawyer that Warbucks knew had known the REAL Count de Tour, who had been a sterling individual, but the person who was Count was his younger brother, the black sheep of the family. He had had his brother "disappeared", although there was no evidence of it, so he could take over the estate and everything. Warbucks hauled the villain into the sitting room and told him he knew what he had done. And he ordered the phony aristocrat to leave but not drag it out. In another room, Mrs. Warbucks was livid with rage at Annie, for ruining her big chance to be someone socially. The count and Warbucks had a falling out, and didn't want to speak to one another. She grabbed a lamp and lobbed it at Annie, missing her as she ran out of the door. The Count, peeved that his attempts to stop and kill Warbucks (and also helping the Mrs. get rid of Annie) had miserably failed, plotted more and more. He then made a mistake and stomped on Sandy's tail, which caused the dog to bite him on the leg! The Count ran straightaway to Mrs. Warbucks demanding that the dog be done away with. She ordered two of the staff's footmen to take the dog and have him killed. She coldly told Annie to shut up while the footmen did the dirty deed. However, Oliver came back early, saw what was going on and heads ROLLED! He told off Mrs. Warbucks, who tried to justify what she did because she feared the Count would have died from poison, for the dirty scheme, fired the two footmen on the spot, and released Sandy to his Annie. Annie retaliated against the two evildoers by showing a Jack O'Lantern (it was Halloween about that time) and scaring the Mrs. out of her wits. The Count, finally deciding it was time, came up to Oliver and slapped him across the face with a glove, the formal declaration of a duel. Oliver, only taken aback for a second, then whaled into the phony count like a white tornado! "Slap me on the jaw, will yuh?! Duel is it?! I'll give yuh all the duel yuh want right now! How d'ye like it?!" he raged as he tore into the phony aristocrat with the force of an F-5 hurricane! The fake count moaned to Mrs. Warbucks about what happened, lying, of course and insulting Oliver mercilessly, when Annie came in, called him on his lies, and kicked him one in the shin! The count, beyond furious, was ready to up and LEAVE! This sent Mrs. Warbucks into a rage. Mrs. Warbucks raged about the count's being revealed as a fraud, and didn't believe it anyway. She felt that since he was called Count in Paris, he WAS the rightful count! She berated Oliver and Annie for ruining her BIGGEST chance ever to be a real somebody. She had planned it for years, and all her work was in ruin, the Count De Tour, a guest in her home, and the Four Hundred were just beginning to get interested in her. She felt she was the threshold, until Annie ruined everything (supposedly). All the arguing was too much for Annie to take, so she decided to leave of her own volition. She wasn't going to let Oliver's marriage suffer. If Annie hadn't left, Mrs. Warbucks certainly would have. Oliver found Annie's good bye letter, and furiously berated his wife and the phony count for all their underhanded doings. He grabbed his hat and coat and told them that he was going to find Annie and bring her home, because to him, his home was HER home too, and when THEY got back, things were going to be run a bit different in future. The Count De Tour tried to interfere, but the scamming fraud was given a swift hard kick in the derriere, with the shoe print imprinted on his pants. He then furiously slammed the door, breaking it swiftly. After a few futile searches, he found Annie, took her to get fed, and stayed for a while with the Silos, a couple they knew, and had Thanksgiving with them. They then went back to the Mansion, and things went on back to normal, despite the Wife's fury. Category:Miscellany